“…I can’t continue with the marriage again Pastor, I am tired!” a thirty four year old man nagged. The pastor smiled and responded ‘’How long have you been married?” “Three years” “Oh! Three years only? And you are tired? Tell me something; is it just about your wife’s disorderly nature or your being unable to have a child yet?” “Never! It is God who gives children. I can never blame her for that. This has everything to do with how she makes my life miserable by disorganizing my things and leaving the house in a sorry state every time. Can you imagine that I never return home with my friends? I dare not! Last time I did, I was embarrassed. Then the kitchen is always messed up!” The Pastor Mike lay back on his chair, listening keenly. “Tell me, if she can’t take care of our home when the kids aren’t yet here, what of when they come? Tell me Sir, how will our home be by then? It has to end. We have to end that marriage because…””It’s okay Mr Fred,” the pastor interrupted “I understand you. Please just give me some minutes“ ”Okay Sir,” Fred replied, still frowning, then began stamping his feet gently at the other end of the table as if thinking of throwing out his wife on returning home.

Mike got up from his chair and walked to a corner of his office where there was a small table carrying some sheets of paper and started to write. Fred seemed not to bother about this. He had felt that the man was attending to some other issues.

Shortly after, the pastor returned to his seated position and pushed the sheet of paper he had returned with to Fred. There is it. “Answer those questions: yes or no.” Fred picked up the paper and perused through. He was about altering a statement when Mike interrupted “Just fill it!”

Some minutes later, the 46-year-old pastor looked into the paper and smiled. “So your wife is not promiscuous? She doesn’t gossip, nag or disobey you. So she is a good cook and does laundry? So there are things you like about your wife?- that she is pretty, intelligent, gentle, caring, and understanding… Are these really true about your wife?” “Ye-yesss, but, but.. you see Sir that one thing she does messes her up.” Pst Mike ignored this statement “Is it true that you want to throw away a flower that others are desperately searching for?”

By now Fred had descended from his thrown of arrogance, replying in a remorseful tone. “Pastor, it is not my wish to end the marriage. I am just frustrated. I need your help please. What do I do?” “Good! The bible makes us understand that whoever seeks shall find. Now listen young man, there are things you will never be able to change about other people, no matter how you try and most of them will live with it till they die. Sometimes, these things change but not as a product of your efforts but their inner conviction, willingness and struggle. It is important to note that some people are more concerned about their weaknesses than you are, only that they lack the capacity to help themselves.” “I don’t understand what you mean Sir,” Fred replied. Pastor continued “Did your wife ever try to change? Did you notice any efforts?” “Sometimes she tries to but doesn’t even do it well, and later returns to square one. I don’t understand how she can’t learn simple orderliness.” Pastor smiled “You see what I’m talking about? She tries but often can’t continue, while you call it simple. Your greatest strength might be someone’s greatest weakness! Have you ever wondered how your perfectionism is a burden to your wife? How it is this one thing that stands in her way to enjoying the husband she so loves? Do you think that she happy about being unable to get it right? Do you know the secrete tears she sheds? Don’t let your demand for perfectionism break your home. You create the change you want to see!”

“Every day, wake up and arrange the house before you go to work.” Pst Mike continued “Me arrange the house?” Fred replied astonishingly “Yes you! Listen! When you are arranging, tell your wife, ‘’You see this thing? Make sure you don’t shift it from here. Are you seeing how I am placing it? If you ever carry it or by mistake shift it, return it to its exact position Can you see this line? Let this side face this direction. Look at it very well! Please I don’t want to return and see things the way I didn’t leave them. No papers on the ground, no dirty plates in the sink. Just leave the house the same way I organized it. Have you heard me?” Do that for everything and your wife being an obedient lady would not disobey you. Just make sure you show her how. Try this for a month and come a give me your feedback”

The young man returned home that day and for the first time in a long while, did not nag. He quietly put things in place. The next morning, he arose and began to clean the house. His wife was amazed. Then he began to give the instructions and she nodded out rightly. That day, Fred returned to see his house spotless and couldn’t believe his eyes. For the next series of days, he enjoyed the company of his wife going around the house with him, assisting with cleaning and receiving instructions. At a point, she began to lead the cleaning and arrangements and knew exactly what to do afterwards.

It then occurred to Fred that all this while, she hadn’t mastered the art of arrangement- she didn’t just know how to do it and needed to be taught. She was an intelligent lady but had issues with ‘just as it was’, how she saw things, precisions and the likes; including energy and focus for organization. Fred soon understood in one of his ‘work-and-talk’s with her that she had been nursing an predicament of scatterbrain: an issue, she could open up only through his calmness and understanding. They soon sought for help from a psychiatrist and psychomotor skills and mental organization began to improve.

At about 6 weeks after he had received the counsel from Pst Mike, Fred returned with his wife to say a big thank you. “Not everything needs prayers and fasting. Recognizing that we are imperfect people is key to peaceful coexistence. Therefore, we should tolerate each other, be empathetic and genuinely seek for ways to help each other stand” Pst Mike responded.


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